This is the essay I wrote for Mr. Mast's semester final. We had the option to write a short story using at least three characters from the books we've read so far this year. So I figured, what the heck. I did it in 45 minutes and finished just before the testing period ended. The re-creation however, has taken nearly 2 weeks. It's hard to re-produce that kind of focus, but here it is.
"Today is a special day, a very special day. Today's contestants have traveled through space and time, crossed the boundary of reality (with the help of the *Litera-techs and my particular friend, *Thurday Next) and wriggled through the wormhole of reality. They have crossed the dimensions of fantasy, fiction, and folklore... all to be with you here tonight. I'm your host, and you're watching...."
"Who's my Soul Mate!" The studio audience finished the phrase, right on cue. The host smiled, and continued.
"Once a year we take the slighted souls, the brokenhearted brats from the pages of ages past and give them one last shot at happiness. Now, without further ado...." he paused dramatically, "please give a round of applause for our lucky bachelor...." with a quick glance at his cue card, he finished with,"(1)The CREATURE!!!!"
The large marquees on either side of the stage lit up, prompting the audience to applaud and an enthusiastic welcome carried through the studio. That is, until the side door opened.
A stunned silence ensued, penetrated only by the initial gasps and startled cries of the now speechless audience. The Creature walked solemnly to the stage. The director wisely cut to commercial, allowing the crew and audience a moment to recover themselves. After a long and unavoidable awkward silence, the Creature spoke. "I do not mean to trespass on the tranquility of these common people. I apologize for my startling appearance, but I plead to the humanity in each of you... do not be troubled by it. There was a time when such a reaction as yours would have kindled the fires of hatred within my breast, but no longer. In the decades and centuries that have passed since the unfortunate event of my creation, I have overcome the passionate loathing that drove my violent actions in the cursed prison of my novel. The solemn solitude within my prison of pages has tempered my soul. I seek no longer for the accepting love of human kind. That would be a miracle even the most naive of hearts can no longer harbor hope for. I seek only for the opportunity to win the love of one soul, that my being be no longer wracked in the torment of inconceivable estrangement."
He paused his plea. A different kind of silence kept the audience still as the Creature quietly continued, " I have been wronged and robbed of happiness by both of my creators. One was the author of my sorrows (literally), and the other the deceiving God of my harsh plot line. No one wants a repeat of the sad events detailed in my novel. I ask not for your love, only your acceptance of my brief presence on this show as I search for the eternal happiness I finally deserve."
The minds of all present were put to ease in response to the Creatures heartfelt plea. Even so, it was decided that a curtain would be drawn around the creature during the initial introduction of each of the other contestants to prevent any -what the director called- "premature rejections" from damaging the Creature's chances and, more importantly, the success of the show. The crew recovered enough to prepare for the end of the commercial break. The host shook himself slightly, put on his best "television smile," and stared straight at the camera.
Five. Four. Three. Two...."And we're back! Our first contestant is the charming (2)Edna Pontellier. Edna felt trapped by the social conventions and expectations for women of her time, so she... ah...removed herself... from the unpleasant situation. Another storage car would have to be added to your honeymoon train because of your combined emotional baggage, but if it's love, it's meant to be....well. Please welcome, Edna!"
The timid figure of a woman was ushered on, blinking in the bright lights and looking entirely out of place.
After a moment the host prompted, "Why don't you tell us something about yourself, why do you think you deserve this chance?"
Gaining confidence, Edna spoke. "I would give my life for my children, certainly, but never myself. So I gave my life in my novel. Now, at last long, I have a chance to find happiness for myself. I'm ready to see him."
Obviously, she wasn't.
The host struggled to regain composure as two stagehands carried the unconscious Edna off-stage behind him, "Ah...and it looks like time for our next contestant. Please welcome the lovely...." he stared in disbelieving horror at the name printed on the cue card before saying, "L-Lady Macbeth!"
The prompted applause was hesitant and scattered as worried whispers filled the studio instead. (3)Lady Macbeth stormed on stage, and was instantly the the center of attention and authoritative force.
The host bumbled on, "From the pages of the Bard's darkest drama, Lady Macbeth comes to try her hand at a new life and the p-possibility of a new love. Lady Macbeth was selected as one of our contestants and is potential compatible with our bachelor because of their shared t-tendency toward...evil."
Lady Macbeth stood fiercely erect, chin held high, and demanded for the curtain to be drawn back.
She took one look at the Creature and ran off stage, crying, "Unsex me! Unsex me! This union 'tis a horrid dead which all the witches of heaven nor hell could never me to it's completion compel!!!"
The studio was in uproar. Sponsors and corporate lenders were jamming the phones with complaints and threats, several audience members had fled when Lady Macbeth appeared, and the rest seemed too scared to move. The host was on the verge of a nervous break-down, and the director was yelling at any crew member unfortunate enough to cross his path. Only the Creature was calm, like the eye of a grand storm. As the end of another impromptu commercial break came to a close, the studio prepared for the final contestant.
"Ladies and G-gentlemen," the host began in a broken falsetto, "our final c-contestant for this evening is the (4)Wife of B-bath. So. Well. Here she is."
The unsightly hag walked across the stage, scarlet stockings and all. The curtain was drawn back a final time and everyone cringed collectively, expecting the worse.
But she just stood there, in contemplative silence, taking him in. Finally, she spoke."I've never met a man I couldn't handle. Though your appearance is off-putting and fright-some (and you may not be a man of the first right), I'm always ready for a challenge. Your appearance? I've lived and loved worse. And I'm gap-toothed myself. I've met (well... you know what I mean) men who were ugly on the inside as well. And you don't strike me as that type."
None of the audience members present at that time -weeks ago now- will ever forget it. But of all the strange events that transpired, all will agree that the oddest part was watching the Creature and the Wife of Bath walking away -arm in arm- towards the prospect of a well earned and strange new kind of happiness.
Literary Character Allusions.
* "The Eyre Affair"
(1) "Frankenstein," The monster/Creature
(2) "The Awakening," Edna Pontellier
(3) "Macbeth," Lady Macbeth
(4) "Canterbury Tales," Wife of Bath
Yay! I finally get to read one of your school essays! Awesome, of course.
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