Faithful old flip phone

If my phone could talk, I'm pretty sure it would say this:

"Hey, I noticed you haven't charged me in a while. I only have one bar of battery left, but that's cool. I'll be good for a couple of days."

"I've developed a sudden interest in photography. I hope you like the 50 pictures I took of the inside of your pocket."

"This is the one I'm most proud of. It actually looks better than most of the pre-set backgrounds. Oh, you set it as my main background? I've never been so happy!"

"You got a text from an iphone. No, I can't tell you who sent it. Or when. But you'll be fine..."

"Ouch, you dropped my on an ice-rink. It was, like, a five foot fall onto the ice, my battery popped out, and then your visiting teaching companion fell on top of me. But pop me in some rice and I'm sure I'll be fine."

"I'm pretty much indestructible. I may look like I'm made of plastic, but it's more like titanium. So don't worry. I won't let you down."

"Am I embarrassed that you painted my front cover with orange nail polish to set me apart?....*cough* of course not."

"Remember how I keep saying that I don't have enough room to receive any more text messages? I don't actually mean it. So read on! But um, if it isn't too much to ask.... you could maybe delete some of the old text messages? You know, whenever you get the chance."

"Hey Alayna, did you notice that I can autocorrect to spell your name right in a text message? I thought you'd appreciate that."

"Oh, you typed in the numbers for the word "or?" I'll autocorrect it to "Oq," which is obviously, a more common word."

"Nobody else can get service with their smartphones in this crowed football stadium? Psh, whippersnappers. Amateurs. I got this."

"Three vibrations is a text message. Op! That was four! Now it's five, quick before you miss the call!"

"Next? I think you mean ndxt. Let me autocorrect that for you."

"Um... I hate to bring this up, but I've been on one bar of battery for a couple of days. Could you maybe, charge me now? No? Um, ok I'm sure I'll be fine."

"Oh. I'm almost out of battery and you're calling your mom. Here's a warning beep."
"Did you hear it?"
"Did you hear it?"
"Oh, gee. I really hope I can keep this up, I've never dropped a call on you before."
"AH! Sorry master, I have failed you! I mus- ca- sorr- !"
*charged for 20 minutes*
"Hey, I'm good to go for a week or so now. What's new? I missed you!"