Scrambled family

We have about 100 million magnets on our pantry doors. Most of them are random words, arranged in partial and nonsensical sentences or phrases. But someone started a crossword puzzle-style arrangement of the names of family members (probably because there are nowhere near enough a's in the packet of letters). It's been there for a long time now, but it changes frequently, because when a friend comes to visit (or when the mood strikes) another name is appears. Letters shift to accommodate the addition, but the integrity of the crossword still remains.

And I kind of love it. Even though several of them are off living their own lives, their name means that they have a home here. 

This is our family tree, and there is always room for more.

Denim and done

My creative project for this month?

A jeans quilt I was supposed to finish in June.

The raw material...

Tiny 6inch squares of fabric

Front and back, stitched together.

Quite a stack!

Before the fray (and final sewing)

In the act!

Tada! A pattern I had to come up with to accommodate the limited amounts of fabric I had.

The back

All together now (all together now!)

Just in time for college.

This is a haiku

And it isn't very good.

I don't really care.

Who am I

Who am I?

Can I conceal myself for evermore?

Pretend I'm not the man I was before?

And must my name until I die

Be no more than an alibi?

Must I lie? 

I'm still not sure what I stand for oh
Whoa oh oh (What do I stand for?)
Whoa oh oh (What do I stand for?)

Most nights I don't know anymore...

Oh and I'll let you go 
I'll set you free 
And when you see what you need to see 
When you find you come back to me. 

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star –
One without a permanent scar?
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

Lately I've noticed how unsure of themselves people seem to be today.

There's a boy I know who is separating himself from all the people and principals he's grown up with, hoping to find himself.

You are who you are, whether you realize it or not. 

It's nature and nurture.

You've been molded by experiences and repeated habitual patterns.

You are a person. 

The small daily choices make you into the kind of person you will be, but you have to start somewhere.
Start with who you are NOW.

If you don't know who you are.... then who have you been?

All the years you've already lived... do those not count? 

Brother McKay said something in church today that really struck me.
He said, "I cannot separate who I am from the blessings I've received."

... nor should we try to. 

I've never had to wonder.

I've been blessed with confidence. I know where I come from. I know where I am, I have a general idea of where I'm going. 

I don't know exactly what I will be, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt who I am.

I am a daughter of God.

I'm a good student and a great person.

I love selectively and passionately. 

I'm a "pure" Mormon.

I'm a good writer.

I'm a goal setter, and I live to achieve them.

I know who I am.

The Husband List

 Rather frequently while in young women's we were set to the task of making a "husband list." Basically, a list of qualities we look for in men. It got very tiresome. I swore that the next time I made one, I would make it awesome.... and we haven't done one since, so there we go.

Recently mom has been crusading for us to take the free "Dating and Marriage" course that BYU offers online. She got quite a bit of opposition from the teenage girls, but she's rather determined. So the whole subject was brought up again.

I have only ever been on three dates, and all of them were arranged by friends and relatives.

But I imagine, that at some future time, I may be able to secure a date based on my own merits.And when that happens, a husband list might be handy.

Well, here it is.

The Husband List

As charismatic as James Marsden

With eyes as piercing as Chris Pine's

As Smart as Sherlock

....and Charlie Eppes

As well-dressed (and all around beautiful) as Neal Caffrey (White Collar)

 

Sing like Michael Buble

Dance like a Newsie...

...and a Jane Austen Man....

As fun-loving as Bert (Mary Poppins)

As strong and all-around awesome as Colby Granger (NUMB3RS)

As moral and patriotic as Captain America


With anger management like Dr. Banner
 

 As kind, tolerant, well-spoken, and mannered as a Jane Austen man



With a smile like Joseph Gordon-Levitt
 


As loyal, patient, loving, kind, devoted, strong, romantic, and understanding as Rory Williams


 As hopeful, friendly, heroic and stalwart as The Doctor
 














With an accent.... Doesn't matter what kind, really.


 

As long-suffering, self-sacrificing, and heart-wrenchingly patient as Merlin.

 As care-free and adventurous as Gwaine


As witty as Riley
 

Able to quote movies/TV shows as well as Shawn Spencer


As calm as Spock


A little bit like Bones





As tolerant of pain as this guy, who always seems to get beat up.



Ok. I guess that's enough of that.




So I'm really good at making ridiculous lists. But what does any of it really mean? It's a list of qualities that I would really appreciate in a man.

But what about me?
I won't compare myself to anyone else. Instead I'll be straight and honest.

I'll be as faithful as a fangirl. And hopefully you'll understand how much that means.
I'm liberal with loving words.
I'm a good listener. I want to know. I need to understand.
I'm a good teacher.
I'm smart. Clever. Witty. Funny. Don't worry, it'll be fun.
I'm incredibly compassionate and forgiving. You'll need that.
I can write exceptionally well.
I'm an artist. I see things differently. Everything is beautiful.
I'm confident and competent.
I have a good fashion sense... you won't be embarrassed to be with me in public.
I have a fantastic memory.
... but I will still forgive and forget.
I put my heart into everything I do. And I do it well.
I have awesome facial expressions, which always livens things up.
... including my "death glare." It's terrifying, but you probably won't see it much.
I win. Frequently. I'm competitive, but I'll be a team player for you.
I love the color orange. Frank Sinatra once said, "Orange is the happiest color."
I'm optimistic... mostly.
I have faith, unwavering.
I'm mormon, and my testimony is always strong.
I'm not the most patient, but I can try.
I'm not the most beautiful, but it's the inside that counts.
I have a lot to offer.

But I'm not giving anything up just yet.
We all have our lists, and we all have our expectations.
But in the end, all that really matters is being able to see everything about a person -the good and the bad- and choosing to love what you see. It's setting aside the perfect expectations, and embracing the what you've found.

“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.”-Sam Keen

I'm not perfect.

Neither are you.

And despite my silly list, I'm ok with that.

Aria again

I wrote a rather long and slightly lovely letter for Aria's personal history class. Not to be included. But it counts.