Education in the Margins (Sticky Note Edition)

 

Kaden Analogies

Don’t pay bills that you didn’t run up.

It would be like the vault door is open but no one walks by.

It’s like being in a congregation and the preacher’s trying to get you to say “Amen,” but you’re only there because your girlfriend wants you to be.

If you’re fighting a pterodactyl versus fighting a mountain lion, either one of them is going to kill you. It doesn’t matter which is the better fighter.

Betterment

What should I “be about?”

Mindful of all the living/little things

We reflect the light of Christ, which we must first welcome into our lives.

It’s easy to be annoyed with people and circumstances. Remember that you don’t know the whole story.

Current Events

Privilege is the dirty word of 2020

When tearing down monuments and pointing fingers at history in the name of Black Lives Matter becomes a French Revolution.

M.I. Horne hosted “women’s only indignation meetings”—where can I sign up for one of those? 😉

Musings

A woman: cursed with crippling selflessness

Where are the astronauts? (When did kids stop aspiring to greatness?)

We have a magpie friendship—we create/collect shiny things and then share them with each other.

People lied to me in high school and college about professionalism. I work with authors of business textbooks who respond to my emails with emojis sent from their iPhones.

Sometimes we give the people in the scriptures a hard time for not recognizing signs or for falling into wickedness again. But hey, I menstruate monthly, and somehow I’m still shocked every time it comes around. I only recognize the many signs after I see the blood.

Rachel and Lara are alike in choosing favorites and thinking the worst.

Even the word “misogyny” (hatred of or prejudice against women; mid 17^th Century origin) was around long before “misandry” (hatred of or prejudice against men; late 19^th Century origin).  

What is the human equivalent of a bird perching on a wire?

When was the first stroller introduced? (It’s a good Wikipedia search.)

No electronic system is more likely to work than when doing so would prove the user wrong in something. (reporting errors)

Separation of Church and State—Separation of work and love.

Media Connections

Lies of HSM: working with high school friends; unrealistic expectations for audience enthusiasm

Frozen 2 culture: “Then don’t go into fire” (Scarlet Pimpernel “Into Fire”)

M. Knight Shyamalan had The Last Airbender. Andrew Lloyd Webber had Love Never Dies. Paul Gordon had Pride and Prejudice: A New Musical. You are entitled to one glorious failure.

The Count of Monte Cristo to Sweeny Todd to Little Shop of Horrors

From Zero to Villain: Managing an Antagonist’s Arc (featuring Hans and Mother Gothel) (and the reverse, Zuko)

“You Matter to Me” from Waitress crossed with “Only Us” from Dear Evan Hansen. (It could swap places with “Suddenly Seymore” from Little Shop of Horrors.)

LTUE conference (or other) panel: Ethical Responsibilities of Authorship (where does the buck stop for what your content can do in society? Good and bad)

I like my musicals with overtones of social justice. But how sad to perform musicals about a class of people that could never afford to see a play about people like them (Little Shop, In the Heights, Hairspray)

“Laying a foundation for the sensation story of her own life” (Little Women)

From So You Want to Talk About Race: These conversations are never painless, but they can lessen pain. Intersectionality. We build policy to address needs. As needs change, policies should shift to reflect the new needs. We are building a better world, and that needs to happen step by step—because human nature doesn’t change in leaps. BUT the principles or doctrines, the ideals of this country—those remain.

Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy: God’s final message to his creations: “We apologize for the inconvenience.”; The real problem of time travel is one of grammar. The term “future perfect” has been abandoned, since it was discovered not to be (Book 2, Chapter 15). ; Lunch as the center of spiritual life.

Know Thyself

You remind me a bit of my most recent almost—that’s why I’m afraid.

Brian B. has never followed up with me, never made me feel like there was anything beyond a first date.

I’m not fully awake until I’ve had at least one semi-passionate rant.

I feel things deeply and describe them well.

Am I the last sibling they choose to confide in?

Sometimes I converse by skipping from soapbox to soapbox like stepping-stones.

I don’t want to feel like I have to convince family members or friends that someone I’m dating is “good.” That will be a personal red flag for me.

Facts

There are vast amounts of fibreoptic cabling through the earth’s oceans that connect the globe to the internet.

2,300 people in India died in 2018 because of lightning.

Recommendations

11.22.63 Stephen King (not horror)

Miranda Hart (author)

The Blue Castle (book)

Stars and Moon (song)

Me and the Sky (Come from Away)

Podcasts: Hidden Brain, The Happiness Lab, The History of the English Language, The college Investor, Writing Excuses.

Education in the Margins, Winter 2019

I'm a big note-taker. But not everything I write down or learn is strictly related to the course. Much of life-long learning comes from this, 'education in the margins.'

Physical Science:

Experiments on Youtube: "Don't try that at home. There are idiots who've done it for you."

Be careful with your hearing. It doesn't come back. 

"Scriptures are like packets of light" -Richard G. Scott

"inasmuch" = proportionally. Alma 36:30

Powdered sugar is explosive: do with that what you will.

If you buy an older home, make sure it has copper, not aluminum wiring. 

Work at your marriage--it takes work to fight the entropy of  "increasing disorder."

The "When it rains, it pours" motto from Morton was coined just because they were the first company to figure out how to make salt that didn't stick together in humidity. 

"God tells us how to go to heaven, not how the heavens go." - Galileo 

There are evidences of water on Mars, but no current water.

Skepticism doesn't kill science--it grows it. 

Science does the almost impossible and gets a picture of a black hole. The press immediately responds with, "are you trying to make it higher resolution?" Typical. 

We do need people who understand people. 

ELANG 430:

The bigger the font, the closer you have to look (preventing errors)

Don't "false foreshadow" and have details that don't matter.

X-files: "There's another alien thing, there's another government thing. there's an alien government thing."

Be suspicious of everything. 

That's the dream. Get paid to read books that you otherwise pay to read.

Learn to let go of commas and see big picture. 

Be liberal with praise, even when you're in a hurry. 

Jennifer Nielson: Psychology of Characters 

A happy reader is an engaged reader

First lines and chapters. Get to extrordinary ASAP. 

Twitter account: Brooding YA hero

Find what you like, become an expert, find a client

"I don't feel like being 'super Suzy' right now"
McKan's "Law": Any correction of the speech or writing of others will contain at least one grammatical, spelling, or typographical error. 

Book recommentations

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1hegDRPE58N28pRVeSr8AJ0j67XQiA-WsFrSQwJu6hS8/edit

Art History:

"Dante is bae. Dante is hell bae."

Italian Renaissance: women of the time period plucked their eyebrows and their hairlines. Who knew?

"Satan somehow turns into a woman in the Catholic narrative. So, you know. I hate that." -Prof. Hale

Oh to be a tourist in the 70s, before sites were popular.

Single candle= God's presence

The first-ever known painting of Michelangelo was a copy of a print.

"For me, the fact that archetypes pop up in other cultures and beliefs is actually proof that God exists." -Prof. Hale

They killed the two Venetian glass makers so NO ONE else could have the Palace of Mirrors. 

"You know you'll have to ask him. Save it for the spirit world." -Prof. Hale

"Our brains are not as photogenic as we'd hope they could be." -Prof. Hale

Medieval History

"Oh, she's wearing pants? Feminist."-Prof. Wilcox

In chess, a pawn can become a queen, In Medieval times, a queen is merely a pawn. 

We are so worried about bloodlines, but, anciently it wasn't strange for a king to marry the female slave of a conquered people. 

"To what extent are you supposed to fight?"

Acting is 9/10 of action. Fake it til you make it. 

Middle English becomes a big mash-up because of wars and politics.

A loved one, an "other < love one another

culture doesn't translate in the Bible

Victorian Periodical 

Academic writing's basic purpose: to quote or be quoted.

Victorians did "Vinegar valentines" (anti-valentines)

Victorians were really in taxidermy.

You can't really know when people are telling the truth.

You torture the text long enough, it'll confess to anything

Middle class target why? "Poor people don't read, rich people don't care"-Joshua

Rubricated letters: Big fancy letters in Gothic text. 

The ubiquity strategy.

If you torture the text long enough, it'll confess to anything.

Famous authors in their own "write"

"If you use one word when you could use ten, you're not really trying." -Prof. Horrocks

Prof. "Did you study any women?"

J: "Yes."

Prof.: "Who?"

J: "Um...letters from a homestead woman..."
Prof.: "Yep. That's the story of women in literature."

Jesus Christ and the Everlasting Gospel:

More than reading black words on a white page. 

Know that you're loved.

My Musings:

Write in complete sentences. Write incomplete sentences. 

Graduation= gradamnation (a life without student discounts, library access, etc.)

Macabre cards: Gothic Greetings, Bleak Birthdays, Horrid Holidays.

Recommendations/Favorites:

Do a fun interview with your kids every year and ask the same questions. You can make fun videos. 

Hugh Nibley "Pride Cycle" talk. 

Gunner glasses/ computer glasses: save your eyes from screens. 

Halloween stuff, Joyce Carol Oats short story: "Where are you going, where have you been"

"You belong with Steve" hilarious music video. 

"The Way of Joy" Greg Olsen

Tulip Magnolia trees

"These is My Words" Nancy Turner

Quotes:

"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift."-Albert Einstein

Jane Austen's Writing Desk.

There is a room in the British Library called the “Treasures exhibit.” Each section boasts its small wonders, and simply placed between Jane Eyre and Kubla Khan sits a plain, wooden writing desk.  

It isn’t much to look at—just a dark, nondescript wooden border surrounding a simple, angled surface. Even the brass of the hinges, lock, and tiny inkpot glint only dully through the glass. It is a literary relic, just a piece of furniture that Jane Austen used. But I stared at that desk, awash in waves of emotion, pulling meaning from the woodgrain.   

Though separated by 200 years and a thick sheet of glass, I felt the love and support of her father; a father much like mine, who gave her that desk and encouraged her writing ambitions in a time when so few would have. I saw the shadow of Cassandra, sketching figures for Jane’s stories and supporting her like only a true sister can, the way my sister does. 

I stood in awe, remembering each timeless classic that had been etched out upon that wooden slat, unable to fully express what those novels have meant to me. I constantly encounter her characters, as my cousin lives like Lydia and my little sister mimics Mary. I have sometimes dodged a Colins or befriended a Mr. Bingley. Jane’s witty scenes help me humor my Mrs. Bennet and weather John Middleton’s well-meaning blows. But what’s more, I have framed my own pain in the plots of her precious novels.  

I have suffered an Elinor’s anguish from a silent, distant Edward; And I know the blow of a “badly done, Emma,” given by a long-term friend. And I felt all of Lizzie’s bitterness when I saw my Charlotte settle. But living through these moments was bearable, because an Austen heroine had paved my way before.  

 And so I stood—enveloped in a timeless moment at the summit of emotion. And I stared, with increasingly watery eyes, at something that was just a desk, but symbolized a life and a work that was deeply connected to my own. My final surging feeling was of gratitude to Jane, for what she’d given me: a life enriched by stories, her wisdom and her wit, and a borrowed understanding of human characteristics and behavior.  

The moment passed—all moments do. But the memory of it still surges vibrantly in my soul’s center.  

Education in the Margins: Fall 2017

Any teacher, good or bad, can teach you more than the assigned subject-matter--if you pay attention. If I want to review specifics of my course, I can open my notebook and read through the pages. But scrawled in the margins of my notebooks are these life lessons that shouldn't be buried away. Welcome to the second edition of my 'Education in the Margins.'  (First edition is here.)

Classes

Shakespeare:

“How like a winter hath my absence been from thee” (Sonnet 97)

Where there’s a Will, there’s another will. (Looking at Shakespeare’s will)

Sonnet 55 could have been J.K Rowlings’ inspiration for horcruxes.

Merchant of Venice: “If exact compliance to the law (perfection) was required, we’d all be damned.”

“In a Shakespearean comedy, you’ll get two, three, even four couples… and one single person.” I AM that single person.

Assembling a cast of Measure for Measure using Star Wars Characters: Leia (Isabel), Luke (Claudio), Han (Duke), C3pO (Lucio), Padme (Marianna), Anikan (Angelo), Obiwan (Escalus), Chewbaca (Jailer), R2D2 (actual friar).

Kenneth Branagh—casting himself as main characters and re-distributing the best lines to his character. A lot like Lockhart. #mostaccuratecastingchoiceever

Someone should do a performative run of “out-of-context” Shakespeare scenes, because Henry and Kate could be played as HUGELY manipulative.

When Shakespeare’s making a point, he’ll make the point (you don’t have to read much into it other than just reading it).

There is ALWAYS more on Learning Suite.

Macbeth: Everybody is so dang ambitious.

Careful what you speculate about the lives of Shakespeare’s characters off-stage.

Problems come when parents don’t actually say they love their children. #dontassume

#fantheory The Fool runs away. He’s Merlin.(Lear) 😉

King Lear as Humpty-Dumpty

“Daddy, tell me a sad story”—how we deal with real-life tragedies. After seeing a tragedy, with feelings so raw… you abound in love for everyone.

There is language in the very gesture.

Historical accuracy wasn’t really a concern.

Hermione is #notdead

‘Time’ in The Winter’s Tale would be GREAT if played by The Doctor (preferably David Tennant).

Grammar

The only people who still use overhead projectors are University ELANG professors.

Words are like people.

We give ourselves away by the way we speak when we say a lie.

An expletive is just a word or group of words that are considered unnecessary to the sentence (i.e: “There are”). Therefore, expletives are expletive.

Grammar class: Teaching what you already know subconsciously.

Not impressed with a gorilla who signs. We do so much more with language.

He often discusses his impending insanity and expresses his fears that his personification of words will make him hallucinate poltergeists in his old age.

Editing

She looks like Mrs. Molar

“Any correction of the speech or writing of others will contain at least one grammatical, spelling, or typographical error.” (McKan’s Law)

“Those who read inhale the music of language.” And their papers are generally better because of it.

Educated people that are wise are usually not condescending.

Bad romance novels are “brain candy.”

Even editors need editors.

Real writing comes in re-writing.

Pay attention to your own language use.

I love when people wield words well.

We try to be perfect when we’re editors, but we don’t have to be perfect with our lives.

We love language, we’re nerds: This is a safe place.

God is no respecter of persons. D&C Sec. 42. (verses 80 and on). It actually says “He or She” #nonsexistlanguage

People who were overzealous and ill-equipped put language rules in place, and now we’re stuck with them. Be careful who you trust and who you follow.

Dead men speak through writing #literarypresenttense

Politician: does what the people want to be re-elected; Statesman: has a moral/guiding star.

The purpose of editing: Clear, correct, and their voice.

Editing is not for the faint of heart.

STET: Editing mark meaning ‘ignore previous suggestion.’ Can I use that in my life advice, too?

Usage changes with time. If you stubbornly persist in saying it wrong, in a few decades, you could be right.

Clarity trumps everything.

You can learn a lot by reading awful writing.

Art isn’t a movie—you have to choose to depict a moment in a painting or sculpture.

No enduring standards, just passionate preferences.

A language only has as much prestige as those who speak it.

“Everyone is self-conscious of their language because they know it’s revealing, and they don’t want to be found wanting.”

“There is some tension in the language these days.”

‘A language is a dialect with an army and navy”

Writing Tutoring

We are seduced by sentences, but we don’t always see when substance is missing.

Advice:

Always under-promise and over-deliver.

Don’t over-apologize for language mistakes.

“Always make it at least as painful for them as it might be for you” #parentingtips #familyrulefollowthrough

Musings:

I’m probably Edgar—naive enough not to suspect, trusting enough to believe, heroic, and…single. (King Lear)

The sudden turn from jealousy to repentance isn’t too unbelievable. Every falsehood has a breaking point. (Winter’s Tale)

Sustaining a prophet includes praying for him

Is the legend of King Arthur in the Holinshed chronicles?

Take-away:

 Look up Ian Mcellen reading “Tomorrow” soliloquy.

“A Rhetorical English Grammar” by Kohln

Watch Hitchcock, “Rope”

What is a “best man?” Historically, it was a swordsman to fight off your wife’s exes. #themoreyouknow #futureshowergames

Silva Rhetoric: ALL the figures of speech!

Communication is key (what makes a tragedy a tragedy).

Each BYU building reflects the people who study there.

References aren’t inherently funny—we make them funny.

Women were made of a better substance. Men were made of dirt, so… (the Eve conundrum).

Grad school?

European Studies Minor?

Quotes: 

“The first ones are all ‘get married’ sonnets, or, as I call them, the BYU sonnets.” -Prof. Young

“Often what we call ‘reason’ is coming up with reasons to justify your self-serving actions” -Prof. Young

“I’ve said it so often I could probably say it in my sleep. I probably have…” (talking about satire). -Prof. Young

“I’m going to risk hospitalization here, because this is very important” -Prof. Young *preparing to read a favorite passage even though his voice is lost.

“That’s what it means to be a director—destroying Shakespeare” -Prof. Young

“You’re in the University to become a scholar. If you’re just interested in money, you might as well drop out.”-Zach

“You should all do more with writing than get grades for it. The reason we do this is because we love the words.”-Zach

 “Go ahead, go to bed angry; all you’re going to do is lose sleep if you stay awake.”-Zach

 “Maybe the stars don’t like being defied” -Eliza

“I actually prefer a little voice in your papers, so I don’t feel like I’m alone when I’m grading.” -Professor Harrison

 “Beware of Modals! They used to be real verbs…” why modals “haunt” us. -Prof. Oaks

I can deal with modals, I will deal with modals, and so you understand me perfectly, I have dealt with modals.” -D. Oaks.

“If you have a gospel question, just put it on a shelf—the answer will come in time.” -D.Oaks

“You are living in a time of language change” -D.Oaks

“I allow my kids a certain degree of grammar violation.” -Prof. Oaks

“I don’t try very hard to be cool, because I know it would never work.”-D. Oaks.

““That’s part of learning: you blow some brain circuits. But later, you go back and patch them up. My goal is to make your brain more wrinkly” -D. Oaks

“That’s where I got wrinkles on my forehead instead of on my brain.” -D. Oaks

I will not be intimidated by English grammar!” -D. Oaks

“If we’re looking at colons, that means we’re doing a colonoscopy” -D. Oaks *students: collective groan*

 “Men must endure their going hence, even as their coming hither.” (Lear, 5.2.9-11, also on C.S. Lewis’ tomb)

“You write about yourself because it is conclusive evidence that you have lived.”-Azur Nafisi

“Posterity shall never believe the romance of our lives” –Abigail Adams (different meanings of ‘romance.’ Not just ‘love life,’ but adventure, numinousness, and wonder.)

“If a group could stoop so low as to accept me into it, is it really that great?” -Neitch

Words: 

Mitigate

Numinous. 

Zombe: African word for ‘God’ is the root for our word ‘zombie.’

Education in the Margins

I'm a big note-taker. But not everything I write down or learn is strictly related to the course. Much of life-long learning comes from this, 'education in the margins.'

ELANG 223 (Intro to linguistics)

We (our thoughts) are not prisoners of language systems

Linguistics is to help learn how you do what you do unconsciously with language.

Latin is dead because no one speaks it.

All linguistic distinctoins are female oriented, "mother-tongue" and "sister-language"

'pet' is an animal in English, and a "fart" in Catalan. #themoreyouknow...

You want to talk "melting pot?" Let's go Linguistics! English-Germanic-romantic borrowings. 

*we can't hear things very well.

Words are like people; they hang out with certain groups, the "snapshot'" of the past/histpry of words shows both change and similarity. Also... people get 'stressed,' too.

Everybody's sort-of unusual

Dr. Seuss is basically one big lesson on minimal pairs (hop on pop)

Days of the week are for the Roman Gods, even across many languages. Also, we totally ruined the calender by adding July (Julius Caesar) and August (Augustus) because otherwise the months would have corresponded with their numbers. September (7) October (8) November (9) and December (12).

The "daisy" is so named because it resembles the "day's eye", the sun.

The answer isn't in the reading... it's in the connection.

utterance pairs. "I love you" ... "I know."

NORM is an acronym for "non-mobile older rural males"

"He who has two languages has two souls." -Anonymous

Spanish

Èl que madruga, Dios le ayuda

No por mucho madrugar amanece más temprano

Todos los problemas son masculinos (el problema, el trauma, etc)

El amor no se pierde de repente

English 294

Everyone here is depressed and anxious, It makes great writing.
Museum science? Wordsworth Trust?
It's a global story.
We choose our history with a selective memory.
Survival itself is ennobling.
"Miserable comforters are ye all." -Job 12:2
Even if we have faith, it still hurts to lose things.
#listening to Hamilton
We make the mistake of forgetting that heroes are human.
We go to the book but revise it as the times need--> continued revelation
Poets: those professional imaginers.
There's a different Gospel for adults; it's more complicated. (The Tyger)
Irony is classy sarcasm
Tell me that there's more to it. I'll try to find it.
Tip for the future: memorize poems you like.
"The collective emails of Nicolas Mason"-future contribution to the world.
"They fought violently when together, but corresponded affectionately enough when apart" Intro to Romantic Period.
"Darkness! No parents! Filthy rich... kinda makes it better"-Lord ByBatman
Persuasion: Oh the many ways in which I am Anne...
Jane Austen is a Chinese diver--perfectly executed complex and twisting dives.
Would-be fiances with bad names: Harris Bigg-Wither (Jane Austen) and Fanny Brawne (Keats)
You've got the resources here to become a good writer and a good reader, but sometimes you've got to go the extra step on your own.
Vegetable experiences (it's good for you, but you don't enjoy it). Feeling down on yourself? One of Shelly's books only sold 6 copies.
You can contribute to the start of a war... just by writing a novel.
"But I was found wanting for what I wanted so badly... All but the tallest mortals." #akaDavid
Someone should write an essay on Poetry and TB (Poe and Keats)
Pobre POEcito.
"he read omnivorously" ?
A well-written satire's meaning isn't written on its sleeve.
My inner child comes alive in the face of conflict--and I shrink.
Mormons are the last Victorians
Maggie Smith as Lady Bracknal? SO cool!
If only Geologists would leave me alone... (?)
Utilitarian ideas: study only science and that which is seen as "useful" and you'll end up with depression. Beauty is truth, truth beauty. You can't divorce yourself of the humanities. God created apple blossoms, not just apples.
There are entire genres of literature that are 'hard to read'.
As I speak, I am aware of more than my intended audience (me)
Idea: Birthday list of dead literary figures, "Congrats! You've out-lasted Austen!"
Played a song from Better than Ezra, which is relevant because...? T.S Elliot is "better than Ezra (Pound). #savage #Englishmajorjokes
Right after Trump's election, '1984' became the Amazon best-seller.
Black culture and language was drowned in the middle passage.
I don't know where all of these strangely prophetic barmen come from. (Jazz Age writers)
"It was in language that the slave was perhaps most successfully imprisoned by his master, and it was in his (mis-)use of it that he perhaps most effectively rebelled."-Brathwaite
novels and movies are complicit in colonizing the mind.
Register for a bookstore for your wedding.
Dr. Mason's excited stutter. Is he left handed?
You've got to do your intellectual family history.
5 spiritual people can read/watch something, some can have a good, spiritual experience/enlightenment and some will feel spiritually uneasy. We have different thresholds, the spirit relates to us differently and is offended in some ways always and someways...not. Personal and spiritual decisions. (Erying Q&A)
The big goal of this class at the end of the day is to provide a framework for future reading.
Nothing explains everything.
We gave it to you, it's up to you to maintain
You can't be a good writer without being a life-long reader.

Quotes from Professors:

"Daffodils are, like, the greatest things in my life in March... except for family and God and the occasional colleague, that's you Emron."-N.M
"We don't have history with a capital "H" because many histories, many perspectives, matter."-E. Esplin
"Happy Disney. Pre- 'Rogue One' Disney."
"We are all Jane Austen characters." -Nick Mason
"Authors are like stocks, they rise and fall in value over time."-Nick Mason
"My brain tells me I'm a genius!" "Let's all stop ogling."
"This is a Costco sampling. Now go by a bulk-sized version for your family and spend the rest of your life eating it."
"If your cemetery doesn't have evergreens, go petition them."-N. Mason
"When people live in the same space, they have kids together"-prof.
"Stories still fill a huge part of our recreational lives." N.M
"I'm extremely hot today, Emron's gone, not it's MY time."
"I don't think I've ever cried in class in my whole life before now"-N.M (talking about his dad's hidden faith crisis).
"I don't mean to critique anyone's family model. I DO mean to have you not critique anyone else's family model." E.Esplin
"I wrote 2 volumes on ambiguity... maybe it was therapy."-Dallin Oaks
"I will give you all kinds of strategies for being socially awkward"
"I sort-of feel like a magician. i show you tongue-defying acts."
"Sometimes creativity resides in knowing the rules and then artfully violating them."
"It's COOL."
¡Hay sufrimiento en la vida! -Hna. Bonyata
"There's education, and then there's exams." -Prof. Dorius (suggesting that they're not equatable)

Advice

Did you have an interview with the press? Ask to see the article before it's published. (saves a lot of headache later)
The average person nowadays has 10-12 jobs over a lifetime (AH!) so don't be afraid to get out of your comfort zone.
Second-language fluency is a 10-15% pay increase.

Musings 

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither did. God did.

Write something on "Men and Pens: How Girls Date" (not sure where I wanted to go with that.)

"Dragons of Berk" instead of "DreamWorks" with Hiccup on Toothless instead of the boy on the moon.

"Popular" as done by men: "I'll teach you the proper tricks when you talk to chicks, manly ways to flirt and flex... it really isn't that complex, being POPULAR."
Prose and poetry are more similar than we think. Prose can be adapted into poetry. Poetry is the breath and finer spirit of all knowledge.
The Tables Turned: "How sweet thus to lie in the grave, to hear the peaceful sounds of the earth, and just to know that our dear friends were near." -D. Wordsworth
The very things you think define you change... that's growing up? 

Take-Away

Langston Hughes reads "The Negro Speaks of Rivers"; Vincent Price reads "The Raven?" gotta look that one up!
Movies: "Bright Star" about Keats; Dr. Strangelove "Exit through the giftshop" film, street art. HomeStarRunner... the pre-youtube thing.
"El Cid: la leyenda"
Words: Cabalistic, evenescent
Books: "Devil's Dictionary," Ambrose Bierce; Infinite Jest, David Foster Wallace, "Oda al Dia Feliz"

The Unwelcome Friend

You've trespassed long upon our kindness.
Go! Darken someone else's door.
Wear out someone else's welcome;
we can't quite stand you anymore.

Disgraced our homely sanctuary,
complained, belittled, and I've found
that 'though your daily insult varies,
we really don't want you around.

The pretense of your presence
is nothing more than vainity.
Your rants offend all common sense
and drive us to insanity.

You speak; the empathy and pity
that you seek, won't come from here.
Your entreaties run quite lengthy
and now fall on hardened ears.

We will not tolerate or entertain

you, or your narrow-minded thoughts.

Have we not, in subtlety, made it plain?

You've never acted as you ought.

Had you ever been considerate, 

shown respect, 

or just a smidge of it.

Then I might have felt some dissonance,
but no,

In this one thing I am sure, and must implore:

Do not come knocking anymore.

A Moment Like This

I am curled up comfortably on the couch, leisurely turning the pages of a novel. Friends and roommates meander about, making cheerful conversation. Christmas music floats through the warm, bright air which mixes with the steady but gentle steam rising from the mug in front of me. I lean forward to take a sip. As my always-cold fingers touch the warm ceramic, I remember.

I remember dreaming of a moment like this.
It is a very different night. I am walking down the cold Spanish street. My steady exhale adds temporary warmth to the air in front of me, thawing my frozen nose for a moment—but just a moment. I breathe in—the air so cold and clear that I almost choke—and expel another smoky cloud of warmth. The humid air chills me to the bones and worsens with every new weak gust of wind. My cold toes lost feeling long ago and I walk, numbly kicking against the groves of cobblestone.
The two of us are the only figures to be seen in this silent, empty street. We walk quickly, but in no certain direction. A heavy darkness fills the night, broken only by the intermittent streetlamps' sickly yellow pools of light and the fleeting warm rectangles of opened doors. Occasionally, other figures will dart by: they do not want to talk, they are not often kind. I try not to count the minutes until we can go inside; I try not to get discouraged. As I look up, past the brilliant stars to the familiar, luminescent moon, the desperate longing of a single, simple human need fills me—I want to be warm. And somewhere behind my conscious thought, a warm dream forms. It is revisited many times in the most intense moments of the winter nights that follow.

And now that warm dream is my reality. I look back on those nights I thought would never end and I see only distant memories. Was it really a year or more ago? In a weird conundrum, my heart bursts with gratitude at the memory of those moments, awful and eternal as they seemed at the time. I marvel at how quickly they vanished and life rolled on. My reflections in this unexpected flashback have given me a precious, unexpected gift: perspective. Though that hard time is gone from me in all but memory, others will rise—and indeed, have risen—to take its place. But I am armed with confidence in a simple truth learned from my reflections on a moment in the cold Spanish street, and I know, “this too shall pass.”

Pulling out the old high school box,
A descent into sentiment.

A future worth the finding

But I'll just keep on mining 'til I find my silver lining.
I'll dig until the world is shining in its brand-new silver mould.

One Midnight Gone

One month away

How time flies. 

There's so much more to do

Before my day 

Before she cries,

Before my time is through.

Same song, second verse.

And after a while, being ‘ok’ wasn't an act anymore. Everything was basically back to normal.
Because if there’s one thing I’m good at… it’s being myself. 

The grand eternal scheme

Sometimes I cite my age and insist that I'm an "adult."

But psychologically, I'm still very much a child.

I watched the world spin 'round the sun -a stunning thing to see.

 Though I was at least a little shocked it didn't revolve 'round me!

I'm starting to realize just how much things can change in just a short amount of time.

This realization was brought on by a couple of key events in my life recently. For example, I am on the last few pages of my journal. I am an avid- though not steady- journal writer. It comes and goes in bursts (and Liz knows that I over-use the term 'entirely too late' in relation to my sleeping habits), but I've always managed to get the important stuff in there. 

This TARDIS journal, with its pages almost filled, covers just over a year of my life, from the week before I left for my Freshman year of college to the weeks before I leave to serve a full-time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. 

In the grand eternal scheme of things, a year is chump change. But this was my first year away from home. The year I went to college. The year I made life-long friends in the form of roommates. It was the year my sister met and married Spencer. It was the year my cousins had children, my grandmother died, my childhood friends got serious boyfriends and my brother passed 6ft. This year changed my life, in so many ways. 

All of this happened in one year. 12 months. 525,600 minutes. 

A lot can happen in a year.

Originally, the thought of taking an 18 month hiatus from my normal life and routine didn't really phase me. It's just 18 months. It isn't two years. I won't miss much.

Only now do I realize just how much I will, unavoidably, miss.

My friend Melissa really loves this guy she's dating. She wants me to be her maid of honor but I'm starting to doubt... I don't think she can hold off that long.

First comes love, then comes marriage, then... I can't be there for everything.

Eliza will graduate. She'll go to college. Essentially, she will be living the life that I just left. And that's HUGE.

Little Melissa will be in Junior High.

David might have had his first date.

Cousins will date, marry, and start families of their own.

My favorite TV shows will come back on the air, movies will be made and released. 

I've been laboring under the delusion that the world would sort-of pause while I was gone and then kindly resume the moment I got back. And now that I know I will have to miss so many of these things a small part of me starts to wonder, is it worth it?

I hadn't finished asking the question before I knew its answer. Yes. Yes, of course it's worth it. Above is a catalogs of my potential losses. Really, I should focus on what I'll gain.

Experience living abroad.

Fluency in a foreign language.

Appreciation for a new culture.

A greater love for people.

Discipline.

Spiritual growth.

Blessings. Blessings for EVERYONE.

And more that I can't anticipate.

Yes. Things will change while I'm gone. And one of those things... will be me.

The dry day draws its end within a sinful, starless night.
-Life in Las Vegas

Words that aren't mine

Isn't it a strange thing to think that every book ever published -every story ever written, every essay ever eked out, every song lyric sappy poem silly rhyme and gushing love note ever left on paper, parchment, wood, or cloth- is just a different combination of 26 letters and assorted simple punctuation?

The basic building blocks of language are the same, be it a Shakespearean sonnet or a Hallmark card.

So how can I call any of these words mine?

In her own skin

"Alayna, do you think I'm fat?"

I stop whatever I was doing at the bathroom sink to stare at her reflection in the mirror. I call her "little Melissa" because she's my little sister... but also because there are a lot of other Melissa's in my life and I needed a way to keep them straight. To be honest, the nick-name doesn't really fit. She's already far taller than any of us were at her age (and we've never been 'short'), and it's even more apparent as she stands in mock nonchalance by the door frame.  

I have to answer her question, I know that, but I'm hesitant. I know that what I say in this moment -whatever my answer to her question is- could follow her through her life. That's just how girls work. I knew a girl of average weight and build (honestly, she might even be considered thin) who was insecure and self-conscious all through her tween and mid-teen years just because her family members teased her about being fat. I don't think that they were ever serious, but it didn't matter. The damage was done. 

I keep my breathing steady, trying hard not to let her see any extra hesitance or tension in my manner. You see, I never learned how to say something like this to a ten year old girl.

After the pause of another nervous moment, I say, "I think you are growing" in a voice so casual it borders on boredom. 

And really, it's true. It used to be that she wasn't very 'size conscious.' If a pair of my shorts ended up in her laundry basket, she'd don a belt and wear them around as Capris without being any the wiser. I guess those days are gone. I won't miss her days of poor fashion sense -packing her clothes myself when we went on trips because I knew what matched and fit her better than she did- but it's another phase of childhood that she's growing out of. And I remember it, too. I remember when I thought wildly patterned shorts with matching tops were the coolest things ever and that yellow socks completed every outfit. But eventually we all have to grow up and learn the ways of the world. Its just coming up a little quickly on me. 

She's still standing there in the doorway. Her dark hair -so different from my own- frames her young face and her recently cut bangs form a harsh line in the middle of her forehead. Her dark eyes -brown like mine were when I was young- are still trained on mine, so I know I have to say something else. I mean, I guess she has that 'childhood pudge' but she's also wearing training bras now... though I don't feel the need to mention that. Oh well, here goes nothing.

"Honey, there are a lot of different body types, none of them are 'right' and none of them are 'wrong,' and it doesn't really matter. Sometimes you can't control it, and most of the time, that's ok." I'm grasping at philosophical straws, and I know it. But I hope that somewhere in my pile of words, she can hear the needle of truth: You are a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father. He created you in His image. Your body is a Temple for your beautiful soul, and it's what's on the inside that counts. 

Be comfortable in your own skin. It doesn't matter what I think, or what anyone else says. Accept yourself and your body for the miracle that they really are.

This is what I hope she heard, though it isn't quite what I said. If I had said all that I probably would have freaked her out with my sudden seriousness, so I guess it's better this way.

I guess, I hope I said (or she heard) something right, because after another brief moment she nods, bobbed hair jerking, and walks back to her room.

I am nine years older than little Melissa. Sometimes I call her "Baby Girl," which once thoroughly confused the kids in the swim team I coached and she was in. Maybe it's time for, and maybe she's earned another name. But I think it should be of her choosing. 

And I think she'll be fine.   

Be good to the people who make you great.

My own words

Earlier this week an old elementary school journal appeared in my room. It was one of those flimsy paper things we did every month, a hastily colored print-out with too much large-lined paper stapled to it at the corner. The first few pages were half full almost illegible insect poems. Apparently I didn't know how to use spaces between words (either that, or I should be given partial credit for inventing the #hashtag) because sometimes I wasn't sure whether it said that moths ate "sweaters, cloth, and rugs" or "sweaters, cloth, an drugs." I finished flipping through it after only a couple of minutes, sure that every word (sandwiched together though they were) had been copied from a whiteboard. They were prescribed poems, and I'm sure that every single "journal" that month looked the same, as we wrote the words they gave us. 

But I write my own words now.   

Imperfect Prism

I am a shape of many sides, 

some of which you must despise

since cowardice and cruelty hide

among my many faces.

Impertinence and anger too

stand to join the motley crew, 

but I would name them all for you

if I could make them sound like graces.

Someday I'll take you by the hand,

imperfect prism that I am, 

and somehow make you understand

the reason for these faces:

The world, this unforgiving sphere

helped put my ugly faces here,

but light through broken prisms near

throws color in far, dark places.

And maybe when you finally see

the many different sides of me,

you'll learn to love me honestly,

and fill my sad heart's empty spaces.