Nothing will come of it.

Nothing will come of it.

I sat next to two handsome guys every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Torrin and Brandon were RM’s from Brazil, friendly, and funny. Torrin is a male cheerleader with a motorcycle. Brandon is slightly younger and snowboards. We joked together and held study sessions for two hours or more every other Thursday. They offered to give me rides home… mentioned movie nights… we agreed we should do something “fun” sometime. My roommates wondered why I never took them up on any of that. I said I was busy or just blew it off saying, “nothing will ever come of it.”

There was a kid named Max who moved into our ward in Winter Semester. He was tall enough to dwarf me, had a loud, deep voice, and was fun to be with. I just kept running into him, and I sometimes wondered if he sought me out some of those times. He sat next to me in Sacrament meeting once, out of the blue. (I got SO many bewildered Snapchats and questioning looks.) He came and sat at our table during the ward banquet… but I was in the middle of a roommate group, we were just watching the slide show, and I wasn't feeling very social, so he got bored and left. I didn’t blame him. I asked him on a date to hike the Y because I was falling behind the dating goal I’d made in Mission Prep. It was a really fun date, and he kept mentioning movies I hadn’t seen and saying, in an off-handed way, “We’ll see it sometime.”  7 days from the end of the semester? I doubted it. My roommates shipped it for a month, then decided I could “do better” which I found humorous, because I wasn’t “doing” anything at all. But that doesn’t stop me from wondering, “what if…?”

A couple of times (exactly two, don’t get too excited), I heard that such-and-such a boy thought I was attractive or had a crush on me. I shrugged my shoulders and nonchalantly said out loud or to myself, “yeah, but nothing will ever come of it.”

And all of this leads me wondering -three days from the end of the semester- if maybe I was wrong. Maybe my persistent insistence that “nothing would ever come of ‘it” actually ensured that nothing did. No, I was never hurt or dumped or … dated at all, really, so I was spared a considerable amount of heartache. But… I also never came home singing euphorically, bursting at the seams because of a perfect date, or a first kiss, or a DTR.

90% of swimming through the social pool… is being willing to jump in.