The grand eternal scheme

Sometimes I cite my age and insist that I'm an "adult."

But psychologically, I'm still very much a child.

I watched the world spin 'round the sun -a stunning thing to see.

 Though I was at least a little shocked it didn't revolve 'round me!

I'm starting to realize just how much things can change in just a short amount of time.

This realization was brought on by a couple of key events in my life recently. For example, I am on the last few pages of my journal. I am an avid- though not steady- journal writer. It comes and goes in bursts (and Liz knows that I over-use the term 'entirely too late' in relation to my sleeping habits), but I've always managed to get the important stuff in there. 

This TARDIS journal, with its pages almost filled, covers just over a year of my life, from the week before I left for my Freshman year of college to the weeks before I leave to serve a full-time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. 

In the grand eternal scheme of things, a year is chump change. But this was my first year away from home. The year I went to college. The year I made life-long friends in the form of roommates. It was the year my sister met and married Spencer. It was the year my cousins had children, my grandmother died, my childhood friends got serious boyfriends and my brother passed 6ft. This year changed my life, in so many ways. 

All of this happened in one year. 12 months. 525,600 minutes. 

A lot can happen in a year.

Originally, the thought of taking an 18 month hiatus from my normal life and routine didn't really phase me. It's just 18 months. It isn't two years. I won't miss much.

Only now do I realize just how much I will, unavoidably, miss.

My friend Melissa really loves this guy she's dating. She wants me to be her maid of honor but I'm starting to doubt... I don't think she can hold off that long.

First comes love, then comes marriage, then... I can't be there for everything.

Eliza will graduate. She'll go to college. Essentially, she will be living the life that I just left. And that's HUGE.

Little Melissa will be in Junior High.

David might have had his first date.

Cousins will date, marry, and start families of their own.

My favorite TV shows will come back on the air, movies will be made and released. 

I've been laboring under the delusion that the world would sort-of pause while I was gone and then kindly resume the moment I got back. And now that I know I will have to miss so many of these things a small part of me starts to wonder, is it worth it?

I hadn't finished asking the question before I knew its answer. Yes. Yes, of course it's worth it. Above is a catalogs of my potential losses. Really, I should focus on what I'll gain.

Experience living abroad.

Fluency in a foreign language.

Appreciation for a new culture.

A greater love for people.

Discipline.

Spiritual growth.

Blessings. Blessings for EVERYONE.

And more that I can't anticipate.

Yes. Things will change while I'm gone. And one of those things... will be me.