Sunday, December 31, 2017

Education in the Margins: Fall 2017

Any teacher, good or bad, can teach you more than the assigned subject-matter--if you pay attention. If I want to review specifics of my course, I can open my notebook and read through the pages. But scrawled in the margins of my notebooks are these life lessons that shouldn't be buried away. Welcome to the second edition of my 'Education in the Margins.'  (First edition is here.)

Classes

Shakespeare:
“How like a winter hath my absence been from thee” (Sonnet 97)
Where there’s a Will, there’s another will. (Looking at Shakespeare’s will)
Sonnet 55 could have been J.K Rowlings’ inspiration for horcruxes.
Merchant of Venice: “If exact compliance to the law (perfection) was required, we’d all be damned.”
“In a Shakespearean comedy, you’ll get two, three, even four couples… and one single person.” I AM that single person.
Assembling a cast of Measure for Measure using Star Wars Characters: Leia (Isabel), Luke (Claudio), Han (Duke), C3pO (Lucio), Padme (Marianna), Anikan (Angelo), Obiwan (Escalus), Chewbaca (Jailer), R2D2 (actual friar).
Kenneth Branagh—casting himself as main characters and re-distributing the best lines to his character. A lot like Lockhart. #mostaccuratecastingchoiceever
Someone should do a performative run of “out-of-context” Shakespeare scenes, because Henry and Kate could be played as HUGELY manipulative.
When Shakespeare’s making a point, he’ll make the point (you don’t have to read much into it other than just reading it).
There is ALWAYS more on Learning Suite.
Macbeth: Everybody is so dang ambitious.
Careful what you speculate about the lives of Shakespeare’s characters off-stage.
Problems come when parents don’t actually say they love their children. #dontassume
#fantheory The Fool runs away. He’s Merlin.(Lear) 😉
King Lear as Humpty-Dumpty
“Daddy, tell me a sad story”—how we deal with real-life tragedies. After seeing a tragedy, with feelings so raw… you abound in love for everyone.
There is language in the very gesture.
Historical accuracy wasn’t really a concern.
Hermione is #notdead
‘Time’ in The Winter’s Tale would be GREAT if played by The Doctor (preferably David Tennant).
Grammar
The only people who still use overhead projectors are University ELANG professors.
Words are like people.
We give ourselves away by the way we speak when we say a lie.
An expletive is just a word or group of words that are considered unnecessary to the sentence (i.e: “There are”). Therefore, expletives are expletive.
Grammar class: Teaching what you already know subconsciously.
Not impressed with a gorilla who signs. We do so much more with language.
He often discusses his impending insanity and expresses his fears that his personification of words will make him hallucinate poltergeists in his old age.
Editing
She looks like Mrs. Molar
“Any correction of the speech or writing of others will contain at least one grammatical, spelling, or typographical error.” (McKan’s Law)
“Those who read inhale the music of language.” And their papers are generally better because of it.
Educated people that are wise are usually not condescending.
Bad romance novels are “brain candy.”
Even editors need editors.
Real writing comes in re-writing.
Pay attention to your own language use.
I love when people wield words well.
We try to be perfect when we’re editors, but we don’t have to be perfect with our lives.
We love language, we’re nerds: This is a safe place.
God is no respecter of persons. D&C Sec. 42. (verses 80 and on). It actually says “He or She” #nonsexistlanguage
People who were overzealous and ill-equipped put language rules in place, and now we’re stuck with them. Be careful who you trust and who you follow.
Dead men speak through writing #literarypresenttense
Politician: does what the people want to be re-elected; Statesman: has a moral/guiding star.
The purpose of editing: Clear, correct, and their voice.
Editing is not for the faint of heart.
STET: Editing mark meaning ‘ignore previous suggestion.’ Can I use that in my life advice, too?
Usage changes with time. If you stubbornly persist in saying it wrong, in a few decades, you could be right.
Clarity trumps everything.
You can learn a lot by reading awful writing.
Art isn’t a movie—you have to choose to depict a moment in a painting or sculpture.
No enduring standards, just passionate preferences.
A language only has as much prestige as those who speak it.
“Everyone is self-conscious of their language because they know it’s revealing, and they don’t want to be found wanting.”
“There is some tension in the language these days.”
‘A language is a dialect with an army and navy”
Writing Tutoring
We are seduced by sentences, but we don’t always see when substance is missing.

Advice:

Always under-promise and over-deliver.
Don’t over-apologize for language mistakes.
“Always make it at least as painful for them as it might be for you” #parentingtips #familyrulefollowthrough

Musings:

I’m probably Edgar—naive enough not to suspect, trusting enough to believe, heroic, and…single. (King Lear)
The sudden turn from jealousy to repentance isn’t too unbelievable. Every falsehood has a breaking point. (Winter’s Tale)
Sustaining a prophet includes praying for him
Is the legend of King Arthur in the Holinshed chronicles?

Take-away:

 Look up Ian Mcellen reading “Tomorrow” soliloquy.
“A Rhetorical English Grammar” by Kohln
Watch Hitchcock, “Rope”
What is a “best man?” Historically, it was a swordsman to fight off your wife’s exes. #themoreyouknow #futureshowergames
Silva Rhetoric: ALL the figures of speech!
Communication is key (what makes a tragedy a tragedy).
Each BYU building reflects the people who study there.
References aren’t inherently funny—we make them funny.
Women were made of a better substance. Men were made of dirt, so… (the Eve conundrum).
Grad school?
European Studies Minor?

Quotes: 

“The first ones are all ‘get married’ sonnets, or, as I call them, the BYU sonnets.” -Prof. Young
“Often what we call ‘reason’ is coming up with reasons to justify your self-serving actions” -Prof. Young
“I’ve said it so often I could probably say it in my sleep. I probably have…” (talking about satire). -Prof. Young
“I’m going to risk hospitalization here, because this is very important” -Prof. Young *preparing to read a favorite passage even though his voice is lost.
“That’s what it means to be a director—destroying Shakespeare” -Prof. Young
“You’re in the University to become a scholar. If you’re just interested in money, you might as well drop out.”-Zach
“You should all do more with writing than get grades for it. The reason we do this is because we love the words.”-Zach
 “Go ahead, go to bed angry; all you’re going to do is lose sleep if you stay awake.”-Zach
 “Maybe the stars don’t like being defied” -Eliza
“I actually prefer a little voice in your papers, so I don’t feel like I’m alone when I’m grading.” -Professor Harrison
 “Beware of Modals! They used to be real verbs…” why modals “haunt” us. -Prof. Oaks
I can deal with modals, I will deal with modals, and so you understand me perfectly, I have dealt with modals.” -D. Oaks.
“If you have a gospel question, just put it on a shelf—the answer will come in time.” -D.Oaks
“You are living in a time of language change” -D.Oaks
“I allow my kids a certain degree of grammar violation.” -Prof. Oaks
“I don’t try very hard to be cool, because I know it would never work.”-D. Oaks.
““That’s part of learning: you blow some brain circuits. But later, you go back and patch them up. My goal is to make your brain more wrinkly” -D. Oaks
“That’s where I got wrinkles on my forehead instead of on my brain.” -D. Oaks
I will not be intimidated by English grammar!” -D. Oaks
“If we’re looking at colons, that means we’re doing a colonoscopy” -D. Oaks *students: collective groan*
 “Men must endure their going hence, even as their coming hither.” (Lear, 5.2.9-11, also on C.S. Lewis’ tomb)
“You write about yourself because it is conclusive evidence that you have lived.”-Azur Nafisi
“Posterity shall never believe the romance of our lives” –Abigail Adams (different meanings of ‘romance.’ Not just ‘love life,’ but adventure, numinousness, and wonder.)
“If a group could stoop so low as to accept me into it, is it really that great?” -Neitch

Words: 

Mitigate

Numinous. 
Zombe: African word for ‘God’ is the root for our word ‘zombie.’

Sunday, November 12, 2017

The Ultimate Veteran


 *overheard at church as I walked in with American Flag earrings*
"I wish I could be as passionate about something as Alayna is about holidays."
She's got a point. Holidays are a magical time where I wear my heart on my sleeves and ignore how loud or bright or crazy my outfits are. But the earrings and scarfs and stockings are just the outside manifestation of my deep love for these days, what they stand for, and the opportunities for unity they present us with.

This weekend, we observe Veterans Day. In order to honor something, we have to really understand it. While making a list of some of the qualities of veterans, I ended up with a really unique and meaningful conclusion that I'd like to share with you. Most of these are applicable to all Veterans who have served, but because I have a specific Veteran in mind please excuse my use of the masculine pronoun in my list.

The Ultimate Veteran

He served for those without the strength or power to save themselves.
He left his home to fight on foreign soil.
Some derided and devalued him; some esteemed him as a hero.
He willingly paid the ultimate price for many who will never really know him.
He didn't serve from a specific state (nation), but because he served, our state is forever changed.
He fought for our freedom....
...freedom from sin and pain and death.
His name is Jesus Christ.

This weekend, as we remember the veterans who serve and sacrifice with Christlike love, may we also remember Jesus Christ, the veteran of the world.
Veterans Day is a holiday.
But it can be a holy day, too.

Related image



Sunday, November 5, 2017

Sunday Insights

In the mission I called them #HermanaEenTheories. Essentially, they are the little distilled "aha" moments of spiritual insight that come to me throughout the week and really should be shared so... enjoy these ones.

"Our lives are like a chessboard, and the Lord moves us from one place to another—if we are responsive to spiritual promptings. Looking back, we can see His hand in our lives." Ronald A. Rasband in "Divine Design"
Well, if life is like a chessboard, then I must be a knight because the moves are unpredictable and all avenues seem blocked and then hey! Suddenly I'm where I'm supposed to be.

Also, Ronald A. Rasband sounds like Dug, from Up. ( I think it's the roundness of his tone and the lack or contractions).

Sometimes I have to do FHME activities.

I want to have a knee-jerk reaction to the Spirit.

Other people's testimonies relating to the Reformers and another one including the seasons (we complain about the weather and the seasons--whichever ones we are in, we find something to complain about. We do the same things with the seasons in our lives. Let's not complain), I love to hear the different ways the gospel the truths are made manifest in the lives of others because I see them EVERYWHERE in mine.

Why did the early saints dedicate so much to the building of temples? It was the price of eternity.

The Gospel is the Golden Ratio of my life. I see it pieces and patterns in all aspects of life and creation.

Borrowed wisdom:
Elizabeth: Salvation is like a group project--you have to help each other out in order for your family to be together forever.
Eliza: If salvation is a group project, then Jesus is that person who will do all of the work and still let you get the good grade.

4th Nephi 1:17 "There were no robbers, nor murderers, neither were there Lamanites, nor any manner of -ites; but they were in one, the children of Christ, and heirs to the kingdom of God." Many of them may have been Lamanites by birth, so it wasn't a change in their parentage... rather, a decision not to have that be their primary identifier. Instead, they chose to identify first as "the children of Christ." What are the "-ites" in our lives? (BYUites, Datingites, Singleites, Disneyites, Missionites, etc.) But if we take away the ites, if we focus instead on what we have in common, if we "un-ite" ourselves... we will be UNITED in Christ.
- I was really excited to share this in my portion of the Relief Society class today and it was incredibly validating to hear the shocked gasps and verbal ahas (it even got a few claps). So it wasn't just me that was weirdly happy about this nerdy connection (shout out to Elder Ryan Davis for the concept). 

Thursday, August 24, 2017

Bloodstains in Barcelona

Hearing of an attack on a city with a familiar name is distressing: Boston, New York, London, Manchester, Brussels, etc. But it's a disconnected kind of sorrow; the fury of a paper fire-- fed into flame by passionate social media bursts but then floating away in forgotten ashes as the news moves on to other topics. A day or so after the initial incident, it's just a conversation topic, addressed in half-hearted and incomplete updates or ignored until mentioned by a celebrity.

But Barcelona: It's different when it comes to streets I've walked. Metro stops I've taken. The cities I've lived in and visited, inhabited with people I know and care for. Barcelona is sacred ground for me. I know the pattern on the sidewalks.
I can imagine what they look like with bloodstains.



Las Ramblas is always packed with tourists. I remember being a tourist there. It is an embodiment of life and color-- packed with people, filled with food, cluttered with keepsakes and souvenirs, and stuffed with shopping of every pay-scale. It's a pedestrian paradise, with street performers and pigeons taking residence among fountains and statues in the circle flanked by banks and museums. It is culture, it is the intersection of worlds, it is Spain.





And now, it will always be somewhat tainted with tragedy.  


The second car, the "getaway" car was found in Vic? That was my last area. A tiny town of pure Catalan culture, close enough to Barcelona to make it a popular spot for preparation day. I remember the train, door-less, sometimes standing-room-only, as we cheaply chugged our way to/from Barcelona 


"The remaining suspects are thought to live in or close to the Catalonian town of Ripoll."
Ripoll? That's where Vic's Branch President lives. We were up there every week for an eating cita. It's a beautiful, out-of-the-way little place. And it's tiny.

I found out just an hour after the attack. I was on Facebook, reading what I could find, learning as much as I possible, becoming the local informational authority. I went to to gym with mom and watched it roll out on the news (the gym is actually the only place I really watch the news, other than the CNN 10). I found a Spanish flag overlay and applied it to my profile picture. I shared a link. I was the first of my friends to do so.
And I waited.
I knew it was bad, I knew it should hurt. 
I waited for the pain. 
And it came. 
I knew that people would be thinking of me, wondering how I was handling it. As they reached out, I assured them I was fine.
Fine= Fully Incapable of Normal Emotions

The pain came in strange moments. First, as my sister said a hurried prayer over our food I interrupted and asked her to bless the people in Spain and it suddenly struck me as real. Again as I saw the community response and outreach, making the best of a bad situation.
As I scrolled Facebook after the Barcelona attack, I saw a friend post that she was vacationing in a Spanish town I'd never heard of, called "Cambrils." I woke up the next morning to find that they'd attacked there, too. And the painful connections kept coming; an old companion posted a frantic call for any information on a family member, Jared Alton. Her aunt and uncle were there the day of the Barcelona attack, and got separated. After a while, the posts stopped. Buried away in the comment section of the post a few days later, I found out that his name was posted in the news as "deceased." I felt it in a song we sang in church on Sunday (Hark, All Ye Nations), which is one that always comes to mind in Spanish first. Another hymn chosen for the meeting (Master, the Tempest Is Raging) was sung more often in my heart than with my voice during the hard times of my mission. Finally, I feel the affects of being "fine" in my unrelated but agitated dreams, as I uncharacteristically yell, fists-clenched and red-faced, at the people I love for ridiculous reasons such as not going to bed on time or for moving my clothes.

I was able to talk with one of my favorite people from Barcelona yesterday. I felt the need to connect with someone from there again and, as it turns out, she needed to talk to me, too. We didn't mention the terrorist attacks, we just... talked. And it was a wonderful, healing moment. 

I don't think I have a traditional way of handling, feeling, or even recognizing grief (exhibit A), but I'm becoming more familiar with my way. I'm remembering to be patient with myself, to push off the guilt for what I don't immediately feel, and to rely on strength and understanding beyond my own. Barcelona will always have mixed emotions in my memories, and that's ok.

And I'm ok.





 



Wednesday, August 23, 2017

The Ocean is a Friend of Mine

I'm not doing art for school and I don't often get around to doing it for fun. But I've started doing photo commissions as gifts for special friends, when there's a picture I really like with sentimental value. This is a painting I did for my sister of my niece Kimberly.

This is the original photo

I drew the picture, put up some preliminary beige sand stuff.

Forgot to take more progression photos, But I colored in Kimberly, put masking fluid over the foamy/white areas of the picture. I was nervous about starting the ocean because I've never painted one before. I also wasn't sure about how to show perspective and distance in the oncoming wave, so I did a layer of sandy color in the shallow portion of the oncoming wave. 

Tossed together some colors, tried to blend some colors. Impressions in the sand, evening out the darker part of the ocean.

David's selfie interruption.

Not only did David take a selfie, he also took one look and said. "You need more detail in the sand." Such a gentleman. 

Aaaaand, we're done. Full color scan and crop. 


All in all, not so bad.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

A and J

Usually, I cheat and trace from my computer screen. I couldn't do that here because the paper is too thick. Old school drawing skills... and the couple was just a little off centered, so I decided to crop it down a frame size.
Note to self. A regular piece of paper is NOT a normal frame size. (facepalm)
The yellow tints in the middle. It's a watercolor mask, you can peel it off when it dries. I wish I could have made the lake a little bit cleaner. 
A couple other masking things, detail-work on the mountains and shore.
I haven't done words before. Should've practiced, but it ended up alright. Nice filling in on the mountains-- I'm not used to leaving white space, but it worked out pretty well. I'm happy with it. Also, Jose's shirt looks great.
It was hard to get a color good for Abby's hair. Red is a REAL tough hair-color. I might have added some blue to the gray in the mountains at this point.
Darker tints to Abby's hair, put in Jose's hair. I used some acrylic white on the trees across the lake and on the log to even/brighten it out. I'm happy! Also cleared out the shadow a bit and added formed the jeans better than I'd hoped for. 
Some brown tints to the log, my initials (perhaps a little too prominently), tossed in a white acrylic gloss on the lake (though I don't think you can really tell) and... that might be it. 

Here's the original, for comparison's sake. 

Education in the Margins

I'm a big note-taker. But not everything I write down or learn is strictly related to the course. Much of life-long learning comes from this, 'education in the margins.'

ELANG 223 (Intro to linguistics)

We (our thoughts) are not prisoners of language systems
Linguistics is to help learn how you do what you do unconsciously with language.
Latin is dead because no one speaks it.
All linguistic distinctoins are female oriented, "mother-tongue" and "sister-language"
'pet' is an animal in English, and a "fart" in Catalan. #themoreyouknow...
You want to talk "melting pot?" Let's go Linguistics! English-Germanic-romantic borrowings. 
*we can't hear things very well.
Words are like people; they hang out with certain groups, the "snapshot'" of the past/histpry of words shows both change and similarity. Also... people get 'stressed,' too.
Everybody's sort-of unusual
Dr. Seuss is basically one big lesson on minimal pairs (hop on pop)
Days of the week are for the Roman Gods, even across many languages. Also, we totally ruined the calender by adding July (Julius Caesar) and August (Augustus) because otherwise the months would have corresponded with their numbers. September (7) October (8) November (9) and December (12).
The "daisy" is so named because it resembles the "day's eye", the sun.
The answer isn't in the reading... it's in the connection.
utterance pairs. "I love you" ... "I know."
NORM is an acronym for "non-mobile older rural males"
"He who has two languages has two souls." -Anonymous

Spanish

Èl que madruga, Dios le ayuda
No por mucho madrugar amanece más temprano
Todos los problemas son masculinos (el problema, el trauma, etc)
El amor no se pierde de repente

English 294

Everyone here is depressed and anxious, It makes great writing.
Museum science? Wordsworth Trust?
It's a global story.
We choose our history with a selective memory.
Survival itself is ennobling.
"Miserable comforters are ye all." -Job 12:2
Even if we have faith, it still hurts to lose things.
#listening to Hamilton
We make the mistake of forgetting that heroes are human.
We go to the book but revise it as the times need--> continued revelation
Poets: those professional imaginers.
There's a different Gospel for adults; it's more complicated. (The Tyger)
Irony is classy sarcasm
Tell me that there's more to it. I'll try to find it.
Tip for the future: memorize poems you like.
"The collective emails of Nicolas Mason"-future contribution to the world.
"They fought violently when together, but corresponded affectionately enough when apart" Intro to Romantic Period.
"Darkness! No parents! Filthy rich... kinda makes it better"-Lord ByBatman
Persuasion: Oh the many ways in which I am Anne...
Jane Austen is a Chinese diver--perfectly executed complex and twisting dives.
Would-be fiances with bad names: Harris Bigg-Wither (Jane Austen) and Fanny Brawne (Keats)
You've got the resources here to become a good writer and a good reader, but sometimes you've got to go the extra step on your own.
Vegetable experiences (it's good for you, but you don't enjoy it). Feeling down on yourself? One of Shelly's books only sold 6 copies.
You can contribute to the start of a war... just by writing a novel.
"But I was found wanting for what I wanted so badly... All but the tallest mortals." #akaDavid
Someone should write an essay on Poetry and TB (Poe and Keats)
Pobre POEcito.
"he read omnivorously" ?
A well-written satire's meaning isn't written on its sleeve.
My inner child comes alive in the face of conflict--and I shrink.
Mormons are the last Victorians
Maggie Smith as Lady Bracknal? SO cool!
If only Geologists would leave me alone... (?)
Utilitarian ideas: study only science and that which is seen as "useful" and you'll end up with depression. Beauty is truth, truth beauty. You can't divorce yourself of the humanities. God created apple blossoms, not just apples.
There are entire genres of literature that are 'hard to read'.
As I speak, I am aware of more than my intended audience (me)
Idea: Birthday list of dead literary figures, "Congrats! You've out-lasted Austen!"
Played a song from Better than Ezra, which is relevant because...? T.S Elliot is "better than Ezra (Pound). #savage #Englishmajorjokes
Right after Trump's election, '1984' became the Amazon best-seller.
Black culture and language was drowned in the middle passage.
I don't know where all of these strangely prophetic barmen come from. (Jazz Age writers)
"It was in language that the slave was perhaps most successfully imprisoned by his master, and it was in his (mis-)use of it that he perhaps most effectively rebelled."-Brathwaite
novels and movies are complicit in colonizing the mind.
Register for a bookstore for your wedding.
Dr. Mason's excited stutter. Is he left handed?
You've got to do your intellectual family history.
5 spiritual people can read/watch something, some can have a good, spiritual experience/enlightenment and some will feel spiritually uneasy. We have different thresholds, the spirit relates to us differently and is offended in some ways always and someways...not. Personal and spiritual decisions. (Erying Q&A)
The big goal of this class at the end of the day is to provide a framework for future reading.
Nothing explains everything.
We gave it to you, it's up to you to maintain
You can't be a good writer without being a life-long reader.

Quotes from Professors:

"Daffodils are, like, the greatest things in my life in March... except for family and God and the occasional colleague, that's you Emron."-N.M
"We don't have history with a capital "H" because many histories, many perspectives, matter."-E. Esplin
"Happy Disney. Pre- 'Rogue One' Disney."
"We are all Jane Austen characters." -Nick Mason
"Authors are like stocks, they rise and fall in value over time."-Nick Mason
"My brain tells me I'm a genius!" "Let's all stop ogling."
"This is a Costco sampling. Now go by a bulk-sized version for your family and spend the rest of your life eating it."
"If your cemetery doesn't have evergreens, go petition them."-N. Mason
"When people live in the same space, they have kids together"-prof.
"Stories still fill a huge part of our recreational lives." N.M
"I'm extremely hot today, Emron's gone, not it's MY time."
"I don't think I've ever cried in class in my whole life before now"-N.M (talking about his dad's hidden faith crisis).
"I don't mean to critique anyone's family model. I DO mean to have you not critique anyone else's family model." E.Esplin
"I wrote 2 volumes on ambiguity... maybe it was therapy."-Dallin Oaks
"I will give you all kinds of strategies for being socially awkward"
"I sort-of feel like a magician. i show you tongue-defying acts."
"Sometimes creativity resides in knowing the rules and then artfully violating them."
"It's COOL."
¡Hay sufrimiento en la vida! -Hna. Bonyata
"There's education, and then there's exams." -Prof. Dorius (suggesting that they're not equatable)

Advice

Did you have an interview with the press? Ask to see the article before it's published. (saves a lot of headache later)
The average person nowadays has 10-12 jobs over a lifetime (AH!) so don't be afraid to get out of your comfort zone.
Second-language fluency is a 10-15% pay increase.

Musings 

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither did. God did.
Write something on "Men and Pens: How Girls Date" (not sure where I wanted to go with that.)
"Dragons of Berk" instead of "DreamWorks" with Hiccup on Toothless instead of the boy on the moon.
"Popular" as done by men: "I'll teach you the proper tricks when you talk to chicks, manly ways to flirt and flex... it really isn't that complex, being POPULAR."
Prose and poetry are more similar than we think. Prose can be adapted into poetry. Poetry is the breath and finer spirit of all knowledge.
The Tables Turned: "How sweet thus to lie in the grave, to hear the peaceful sounds of the earth, and just to know that our dear friends were near." -D. Wordsworth
The very things you think define you change... that's growing up? 

Take-Away

Langston Hughes reads "The Negro Speaks of Rivers"; Vincent Price reads "The Raven?" gotta look that one up!
Movies: "Bright Star" about Keats; Dr. Strangelove "Exit through the giftshop" film, street art. HomeStarRunner... the pre-youtube thing.
"El Cid: la leyenda"
Words: Cabalistic, evenescent
Books: "Devil's Dictionary," Ambrose Bierce; Infinite Jest, David Foster Wallace, "Oda al Dia Feliz"

Sunday, March 5, 2017

The Unwelcome Friend

You've trespassed long upon our kindness.
Go! Darken someone else's door.
Wear out someone else's welcome;
we can't quite stand you anymore.

Disgraced our homely sanctuary,
complained, belittled, and I've found
that 'though your daily insult varies,
we really don't want you around.

The pretense of your presence
is nothing more than vainity.
Your rants offend all common sense
and drive us to insanity.

You speak; the empathy and pity
that you seek, won't come from here.
Your entreaties run quite lengthy
and now fall on hardened ears.

We will not tolerate or entertain
you, or your narrow-minded thoughts.
Have we not, in subtlety, made it plain?
You've never acted as you ought.

Had you ever been considerate, 
shown respect, 
or just a smidge of it.
Then I might have felt some dissonance,
but no,
In this one thing I am sure, and must implore:
Do not come knocking anymore.


Thursday, February 23, 2017

A Moment Like This

I am curled up comfortably on the couch, leisurely turning the pages of a novel. Friends and roommates meander about, making cheerful conversation. Christmas music floats through the warm, bright air which mixes with the steady but gentle steam rising from the mug in front of me. I lean forward to take a sip. As my always-cold fingers touch the warm ceramic, I remember.

I remember dreaming of a moment like this.
It is a very different night. I am walking down the cold Spanish street. My steady exhale adds temporary warmth to the air in front of me, thawing my frozen nose for a moment—but just a moment. I breathe in—the air so cold and clear that I almost choke—and expel another smoky cloud of warmth. The humid air chills me to the bones and worsens with every new weak gust of wind. My cold toes lost feeling long ago and I walk, numbly kicking against the groves of cobblestone.
The two of us are the only figures to be seen in this silent, empty street. We walk quickly, but in no certain direction. A heavy darkness fills the night, broken only by the intermittent streetlamps' sickly yellow pools of light and the fleeting warm rectangles of opened doors. Occasionally, other figures will dart by: they do not want to talk, they are not often kind. I try not to count the minutes until we can go inside; I try not to get discouraged. As I look up, past the brilliant stars to the familiar, luminescent moon, the desperate longing of a single, simple human need fills me—I want to be warm. And somewhere behind my conscious thought, a warm dream forms. It is revisited many times in the most intense moments of the winter nights that follow.

And now that warm dream is my reality. I look back on those nights I thought would never end and I see only distant memories. Was it really a year or more ago? In a weird conundrum, my heart bursts with gratitude at the memory of those moments, awful and eternal as they seemed at the time. I marvel at how quickly they vanished and life rolled on. My reflections in this unexpected flashback have given me a precious, unexpected gift: perspective. Though that hard time is gone from me in all but memory, others will rise—and indeed, have risen—to take its place. But I am armed with confidence in a simple truth learned from my reflections on a moment in the cold Spanish street, and I know, “this too shall pass.”

Sunday, January 22, 2017

To My Dear Friend at the Loss of her Mother

My Dear Friend,

I do not know your pain. I have not had a loss that great and my mind refuses to imagine it. Even if I could, the myriad differences in the details of our lives decry the injustice of such a comparison. Your pain and grief are uniquely your own just as your strengths and memories are. I do not endeavor to empathize fully, but in my limited way... I want to try. I want to lend my support and share what strengthened me.

You have been so strong. I saw you a couple days before and you were still the same loving and positive girl that I admire so much. You did not wear your worry on your sleeves. You have planned and taken care of so many things, you have overcome great fears.

I lost EduardoI lost my Grandmother. These were the things that comforted me:

Alma 40:11 Now, concerning the state of the soul between death and the resurrection—Behold, it has been made known unto me by an angel, that the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body, yea, the spirits of all men, whether they be good or evil, are taken home to that God who gave them life.
12 And then shall it come to pass, that the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of happiness, which is called paradise, a state of rest, a state of peace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow.

1. To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:  A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; All go unto one place; all are of the dust, and all turn to dust again. (Ecclesiastes 3:1,2,20.
)


Revelations 21:4 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.


"So if you've died and crossed the stream before us, we pray that angels met you on the shore, and you'll look down and gently you'll implore us to live, so we may see your smiling face once more."

[From “Danny Boy” 3rd verse.]

It took me a while to cry over my losses. I grieve in a very distinct way, and maybe you do, too. We know about the plan of salvation. You know you have a loving Heavenly Father with a perfect plan. You can count on it.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Alayna



Tuesday, January 17, 2017

17 Goals for 2017

Yes, it's a lame excuse, but I was too busy in the first week of January to actually think about what kind of goals I want to make for 2017. Unfortunately, the excuse of business often robs the well-intended mind of success and progress. So I'm making this last ditch effort to write some goals, and by posting, hold myself to them. 
17 goals for 2017, set on January 17th.

1) Compassion: Judge Not.
It was mentioned a lot when I was visiting home over the break, the idea of having a word as the theme of the year- something you need to work on, something to focus on.

2) Read from the Book of Mormon and other scriptures at least 15 minutes every day (minimum), target 45. 

3) Expand spiritual literature- Read a book written by prophets and apostles with the goal to finish one a month (flex time to two months for larger texts)
  • Daughters in Our Kingdom
  • Jesus the Christ
  • etc.
4) Shoot for 8 hours of sleep every night (at least average 7).

5) Become a better steward of my time- scheduling better, cut back on social media, etc.

6) Date more, flirt more, get to be friends with guys.
(help with this goal will be much appreciated)

7) Write a weekly note to a friend/ make a surprise phone call/ share a memory or positive thought. (Make new friends but keep the old.) Write missionaries more often (at LEAST monthly) and include members and converts from my mission.

8) Return to journaling- The most successful continuous effort I've had is when I would write once a week, about my week. I'd like to re-instate that. Maybe instead of focusing on individual days, relating big events or something that I learned/re-learned.

9) Nurture one-on-one relationships with family members.

10) Try a couple things that go outside my comfort zone- say "yes" once in a while. 

11) Continue weekly temple attendance. 

12) Write more- other than school assigned stuff: preparing things for submission, NaNoWriMo, and publication (probably for BYU journals, don't get too excited).

13) Exercise- Swim once a week (at least) and exercise at least 15 minutes a day otherwise.

14) Develop useful skills: re-learn how to crochet, pay attention when Dad talks about car stuff, painting and things around the house.

15) Study Christ (like Elder Nelson challenged us in the Worldwide Youth Devotional).

16) Read novels not assigned to school- classics and cultural favorites. Goal for at least one a month (see #3).

17) Return to the arts: I used to sing, I used to paint, I used to draw, doodle, craft, and take pictures. I'd like to do some of that again. 

Well? Wish me luck!